“I cried today.
It almost seems funny; you would always get so upset about how I never cry, and now here I am weeping like a child.
I cry every day now.
I cry myself to sleep sometimes.
I gave a speech at your funeral the other day.
I couldn’t get out more than a few words before I burst into tears.
I miss you so much.
I don’t know how to sleep without you here.
I can’t stand being inside of my own home and yet no matter where else I go, I am reminded of you.
I see you everywhere and it almost seems as if it’s getting harder to remember your face.
As if it were even possible for me to forget you, but still…. sometimes I find myself struggling to picture your smile.
And then it’s like I’m brushing my teeth in the morning and the only thing I can think of is your set of pearly whites.
And every one says it will be better in time but that’s just insanity.
The only things that grow in time are hope and fear.
There is no hope in my day.
The only thing that I could ever hope for is that you could come back to me, that I could hear your voice one last time but I know it will never happen.
So how can anything in my life possibly get better with time when all it ever is, is time I missed spending with you?
Anyway, I need to get back to work now. I’ll be back, same time tomorrow. I love you more than everything.”